Who Bears the Ring Now?

Maintenance on the horizon

Hello dears. I know, it's been a blog-eternity (4 months in what some people like to call the "real" world) since my last post. And upon my visit, I see what disarray my poor blog has fallen into. Just look at it - the backgrounds are all unaligned, the header-bar is covered up by blogger bar, oh hell, and look down there on the right, I have weeds growing up through the cracks. Tsk, tsk!

Well, not to worry. I've decided that it's about time for a little bit of cleanup. I haven't entirely decided what's on the blueprint yet, but once it's all decided, you'll be able to see it all.

Since my life has fallen into a tragic cycle of work-sleep-work lately, I believe a theme change is definitely in order, but I can't give away too much. You'll just have to stay posted.

My goal is to have the changes made and the new series of posting to begin by the end of the coming fortnight. Acceptable? Thanks! You're a doll!

See more of you soon.

*hugs and kisses*

- Gladys

posted by gladys @ 11:57:00 AM Comments: 1

In the Closet

I've attended a couple of parties the past few weeks, and have a couple more to attend in the not-too-distant-future. After somehow finding myself boobing-for-grapes (involving fishing a grape from the cleavage of a big-breasted woman) at the last party I attended, I was sure my stone-cold-sober personality would certainly find this party tame and perhaps a little boring - everyone else would of course be attending for the booze.

Sir Robert and myself had a relatively tame beginning. We navigated to the food, and plucked a few items, and then perched to listen to the telling of a freezer-door-to-the-head induced concussion. Some few introductions were made, but for the most part, we remained aloof and observant.

Somewhere between taking pictures with my hand on my crotch followed by another with my hand on Sir Roberts crotch, and the Homo Art game of taking a book titled Homo Art and attempting to replicate the pose of the art pictured on a randomly selected page... I found myself being led into the birthday boys' closet.

The original goal of this venture was for me to see the large collection of games Birthday Boy owns. We walked into his rather spacious closet, and soon found ourselves joined by 2 other patrons of the party. After being shown the piano box and a few other noteworthy items, the 4 of us soon realized that our hands were on each others buttoxes... perhaps intentionally. Since one of us was a girl (anatomically speaking), we found ourselves obliged to play with her 'play doh' (as one person had labelled them earlier in the night --> gay mans playdoh), while listening to stories of how she was the first girl Birthday Boy had kissed without throwing up, and of Birthday Boys recurring nightmare of grocery shopping. Before we were done in the closet, we had been joined by several others, making the experience seem something reminiscent of a steam-room orgie (not that I'd know for sure... but that's how it is in my fantasies). We finally opened the closet door and stumbled out (to a couple of unsuspecting patrons who had decided to occupy the room). I quickly returned to Sir Robert, who had remained near the snacks, (I think mostly because it gave him a clear view of the cute boy).

As I think back on it, I can only hope that Vegas is even half as fun as yesterday was.

posted by gladys @ 11:34:00 AM Comments: 5

Consummated in Bitterness

I'm quite proud of my ability to remain stalwartly bitter regardless of the fine things life tries to throw at me. And so, tonight certainly brightened my bitterness and froze my heart a little more.

Before arriving at the party, I had a foreboding sense of doubt. I even had to call aK for persuasion to attend. In the end I decided to attend regardless. I should've heeded the fact that I got lost and spent 20 minutes finding the damned place. But I didn't... and fortunately so, because otherwise I wouldn't have the satisfaction of being so vindicated.

And so, for your viewing pleasure, I present some of the fallacious and audacious comments made to/around me, as well as an occasional observation:


"I don't get guys who will have sex with men but wont drink."... to which I responded... "Well, the two aren't exactly coupled with each other." ... "Actually, yeah, they kinda are."

"Are you blushing because you don't drink?"

"I have 2 drinks... it makes me SOOOOOOO fabulous... why don't you have one?"... after I responded that I don't drink... "Oh, well go pray to Gordon B. Hinkley"... "You should get with the times and fuckin' drink, it's two-fuckin'-thousand-si-seven."

"Wait, why don't you drink? You're dressed so well!"

Needless to say, I was tired of the drinking comments... so he of the thousand flames (hereafter known as Falafel) provided a satisfying outlet when he arrived...

"Why do you hate me Gladys?"

"Because you exist."

"Oh."

Thank you Falafel. You made my night completely worthwhile.

posted by gladys @ 1:32:00 AM Comments: 1

Rainbow Petition #39628

To the Council of the Queens:

With the Dawn of a New Year upon us - and an odd year at that (as is fitting for queers and social misfits to make petitions on odd years - as outlined in Homo-Protocol and Suggestions for a More Fabulous Life, Issue 105, Article 4), I submit the following proposition for review and disagreement (as implied by Homo-Disagreeance regulations, and the non-cooperation acts predating this Council).

We, as Homosexuals, are well known for our diversity, for our condescending attitude, and our inability to commit to anything singular (contrary to the fact that our title "Homo" indicates a nature of homogenity, we are anything but homogeneous). In light of this, we have historically found it necessary to adhere to polytheistic beliefs and followings.

I therefore nominate Christina Aguileira as a suitable candidate for Ascension to the rank of goddess.

I believe that her performance lifespan more than qualifies her for the position, and with her artistic diversity and influence in promoting diversity (refer to attached media: "Beautiful"), she embodies goddess-hood in every preconscriped aspect.

I pray the glitter and stars may be with the Council as this proposal is considered and reviewed.

May we live fabulously in glamour!

- Gladys
4th Ranking Homo of the Utah Primary Infiltration Sect.

posted by gladys @ 1:05:00 AM Comments: 3

Merry Christmas

I don't know why this hurts so much. I grew up with disappointments aplenty from my family.

I knew Christmas was going to be different this year. I wanted to treat him to all the things I had failed in for the past few years. School life was difficult - especially on my finances. It was all I could do to muster enough money to buy even the quaintest of gifts. But this year was different. I finally had money to treat him, to spoil him like never before...

And then Izick appeared on the scene. I was repulsed by him almost immediately - that's my flaw... first impressions are hard to overcome. But he liked him... he liked him a lot.. perhaps, in his yet-to-mature state, there was even love, or possibly Love. I don't know... we don't talk anymore.

After a vacation of lies, he mentioned an end of an era of abstinence. I was happy and horrified. "You really like him?", "Yes." "I don't."

And then he is here again - 3 days before Christmas. And I know - I always know. I become the brother. Meaningless in your mind. A ride - chauffeur really - since ride suggests equality, but there is no equality here - you both in the back seat, me driving, up front, isolated, unimportant - filling a role, but not a Role.

It brings me joy to see you happy, and it breaks my heart to see you isolate yourself, from me. I become banished into the nether-regions of your scope of caring. If not for certain roles, I would disappear completely.

And he is still here 2 days before Christmas, and I ask if he is staying - you lie again - giving an offhandish answer that doesn't answer anything. But then again, do I deserve anything more than offhandedness from you? I am dismissable.

And are these just the rambling jealousies of an older brother? Protective? Longing for your attention? Validation?

Perhaps it's perfectly natural to expect to find you have opened your Christmas presents with him, in the privacy of your room, away from me. Perhaps I'm at fault, but sitting here, Christmas day, I don't think so. Instead, I hurt.

posted by gladys @ 2:47:00 PM Comments: 6

To my dear neighbors:

I realize that we don't really live in the best part of town, and there certainly isn't a lot to be proud about in terms of the appearance of our apartment building, but please bare with me as I make a few suggestions that could improve our conditions (even if only ever so slightly).

1) Get some sleep. I'm quite an advocate of a 'city that never sleeps', but when referring to such a city, I'm talking about people who actually do sleep - but who are able to go out on the town no matter what time it is and find a plethora of open venues. You, on the other hand, never sleep. I know - I've been watching you. There are always lights on in your house, and the clientel who frequent are certainly not the kind of people one would enjoy finding on a midnight outting (actually, they are the kind one crosses the street to avoid).

2) When purchasing new furniture, try to make it *new*. Yes, that was me behind you as you stopped in the middle of the street with your "new" couch. Sure, it was probably an upgrade from what you currently own (and I'm certainly in no position to be throwing stones), but perhaps you might consider purchasing something with a few less stains, tears, and cigarette burns.

3) They don't count as friends if the only reason they visit you is for your drugs or for your body. Now, I know it can be flattering to have people constantly on your doorstep/in your kitchen, but take my word when I say that while you continue to 'live the life', puffing away and floating on clouds, those friends you don't hear from again are either floating face down in some unknown river, locked away in a cell, or came down long enough to realize what a crap-hole their life is and decided to stay clean. Either way, neither the fantasy world friends, nor the reality-world high friends will be there for you next time the cops come by peeking through your windows.

4) The dumpsters out the back are NOT the South Salt Lake Mall. While I too wish there was a mall this close to my apartment, we must band together to eradicate this spreading idea. Homeless people should be chased away (with brooms and umbrellas if necessary) from our dumpsters. You - yes, you, with the extra clothing! What were you thinking draping it over the edge of the dumpster like that? Do you think that aids our cause? Of course not - it made the dumpster look like one of those mall kiosks, only with a little more dirt and minus the annoying (but sometimes cute) peddler. And you!! Please, take your TV to the Dump! I don't care if it didn't work anymore. I had to flash my lights at the homeless guy who decided he had made a real find with that little piece. Come on people!! It's just a little common sense I'm looking for.

Other than that, I think our occasional meet and greets are going well. Keep up the good work on staying out of each others' business and not being nosey neighbors. You over there - that was some fine work spotting my brother and I as gay, especially given the time of night. Kudos for that.

Take care of yourselves - you in the back, please stop frequenting the motel on the corner, your mother is bound to find out all too soon - especially with how often the police are there. I'll notify all of you next time I feel you are sinking below the pit of society.

- Gladys

posted by gladys @ 9:40:00 PM Comments: 2

How it is...

God! I feel like the best friend-turned-robot from the original Stepford Wives.

posted by gladys @ 7:06:00 AM Comments: 1

Truth from the Devil

It's true: a cube of cheese when you feel like passing out works wonders!

posted by gladys @ 3:19:00 AM Comments: 0

Who Am I?

Before proceeding, you should be warned that the following post contains some language inappropriate for children under 16. The following is not intended for Mormon audiences, nor those who are imagination impaired. Some descriptions may contain sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.

Father, please... PLEASE help me to resist temptation. I've tried to do all the things I was taught to do - I read my scriptures, I pray regularly, I attend church. I have tried just about everything I know to keep my thoughts clean and pure. Please don't abandon me, but stay near. I know that only through thy strength and my continual perseverance I can make it through this...


There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it... I just know I can beat this thing! I just need to make it through my mission, then I wont have thought about guys in such a long time, it will be easy to start dating girls


I don't want to be gay. I believe so strongly in Christ and his atonement. I feel his influence in my life. The other day, when I was looking at that picture of him, it just made me break down and cry. How can I ever be worthy?


Those feelings you can feel right now, they are the Spirit. What do you think the Spirit is telling you right now? I testify and promise you that those feelings are true. Joseph Smith is a prophet, and I know the Lord has answered your prayer, and let you know this for yourself. I know, because I can feel the Spirit here, right now.


I think if I can make it the last 2 months of my mission, I'll have my little problem beat. Carolyn has been writing me pretty regularly, and I'm sure I could kindle some feelings for her. We are friendly in our letters to each other, and she's not like other girls. I was always intrigued by her.


Why?! I have tried so hard to do Thy will! I served a mission! I have never been inactive - even when my entire family fell away, I stayed strong. But does that mean anything to you? NO! I have struggled my whole life. My whole life I've believed myself as NOTHING! For YOU! I controlled my thoughts, my actions, feeling unworthy simply for drawing breath.


I believe in a god - but he is not the God I grew up knowing. That god is dead, killed by his own creations who tried him and found him unworthy. His love was conditional, and in the end that was all he had to call upon - was love, and it failed him, just as it failed me.

posted by gladys @ 7:51:00 PM Comments: 6

Work, work, work

A few short tales from work:

Boss:

I'm never quite sure when it's appropriate to leave my bosses office after speaking with him. He is the type who doesn't really dismiss you, he just becomes completely absorbed in his work. During one such visit, I noticed that every time I made a move to leave his office, he would make some sort of noise which would stop me dead in my tracks. I wait, hesitant to disturb his train of thought, but after an awkward moment of silence, I finally decide I'm dismissed and take a step, only to be stopped by another 'umm' or 'well...' or something of the such. This occurred a half dozen times before I finally made it to his door and just bolted. I have noticed that he actually does it every time I visit his office. I have taken to the habit of announcing "Unless there is anything else, I'll get back to... [pressing task]." To which he usually grunts in approval and I hastily usher myself out before I become trapped like a possum in headlights.


Trainer:

My direct supervisor and trainer is an interesting individual. He believes in multi-tasking, but he is terrible at it. He is the kind of person who not only has the proclivity to overwhelm others, but himself too. He was recently given a rather large white board. His first act was to fill the entire board with every possible task he could think of. When that didn't quite fill the entire board, he brainstormed other 'pressing' tasks. The result? We didn't get any of the tasks performed because every few minutes he would come and ask how project X was going, when 5mins earlier he had assigned us to be working on project Y. Project X would then be our highest priority, until the next time he walks over, at which point project C becomes our priority. I'll admit, I cheat a little and work on the projects I'm able to complete while he isn't paying attention.

The Catfight:

I accidentally inserted the wrong cover page into a report and sent it to another secretary in the building. I then went to lunch with my boss and trainer. When we returned, this other secretary had left voice-mails on 3 different phones bewailing my incompetence. What the secretary didn't realize was that I *had* given her the right report, and if she had looked past the first page, she would have realized that all she had to do was delete the first page (the report I sent didn't actually need a cover page). We all laughed about it and I performed a satanic ritual which will cause all of her hair to fall out over the next 3 weeks.

The Awkward...

An announcement was made in our office about one of our accountants moving to another department, and our department getting 2 new accountants - both female. Upon hearing this, I chimed in "oh yay! It'll be nice to have a couple more girls in the office!"... silence... "I mean, not that I like girls... well, I mean, I like girls... " ... silence... "It doesn't matter anyway since they're both married, and I've got to run these reports upstairs now..." ... silence... "Is this meeting over?"

posted by gladys @ 3:45:00 PM Comments: 3